margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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