i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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