You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
