worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
