Tell her she can't have a vagina
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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