i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
