i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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