I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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