11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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