She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
