It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
