All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
