we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
