My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
