Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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