The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
