I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
