When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
