I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
