Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
