the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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