dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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