So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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