Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
