I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
