Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
