shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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