It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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