youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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