it's like iHOP with fire
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
