yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
