does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
