I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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