I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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