I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
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