he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
