Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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