im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Please don't give away my fajitas
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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