i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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