Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
