Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
