Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
