He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
