No, you can still breathe under the balls.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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