remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
