peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
