I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
