Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
