her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
