Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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