'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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