there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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