getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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