my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
