Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We need to rekindle our bromance
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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